What I Really Wanted to Say Was...

...so much more than I can say on Facebook or Twitter or any other social media site.

Don't get me wrong. I am not a Facebook hater. I am not anti-Facebook and I don't think if you are on Facebook half a day every day that you're going to hell. The popular site has been a great way to keep in touch with friends after moving to New York and I will continue to utilize it as a means to that same end - staying in touch. But, I, like so many millions of others, can only express so much there because hundreds of people may read my status or my notes and things I say will be interpreted hundreds of different ways. One unavoidable consequence of stating how you're feeling or what you're thinking on any particular day in Facebook world is that someone will misinterpret what you've posted. I've even seen the status update, "..." receive presumptuous comments like, "Praying for you!" and "Are you ok?" It sort of makes me laugh but on the other hand, it's kind of sad. Consider this -

I believe Facebook and other social media sites encourage a false sense of "how we're doing." It is rare to come across a status or comment that truly reveals the human condition. Let's face it - the human condition is bit too depressing for my coffee break or as a final thought before leaving the house to go to the grocery store or work out. Knowing that one of my "friends" is struggling with their finances, unemployed for the 11th month in a row, fighting their last round against cancer or about to end their marriage is too intense, too personal and sometimes, indicting for even those on our "Friends" list to know about. But aren't those the things through which we are here to support one another and in which we should direct each other to Christ? Maybe there would be fewer marriages burning to the ground if we put down our laptops long enough to notice the smoke next door. I believe we need to learn to be more comfortable with our own humanity than with the breaking news of someone's child successfully depositing their feces in the toilet.

Before I go any further, I must admit that I am guilty of posting not much more than the mundane details of my daily life. Like millions of others, it allows me to sometimes vent my frustrations and talk about things that matter to me, while packaging it within the guidelines of Facebook's character limits. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. And Facebook has proven a great vehicle for mobilizing people to pray for the sick and those who find themselves in unfortunate situations. What I have noticed, though, is an increasing discomfort with the real problems people face as I'm talking with them in person. It's as if this obsession with knowing what time your friends around the world are getting out of bed and how late they stayed up the night before is desensitizing us to reality. Usually, one would associate "desensitization" with repeated negative stimuli hampering one's ability to process pain and empathize with the suffering party. But in this case, I believe Facebook has desensitized us in the opposite direction. It feeds us only what we want to be fed instead of sometimes, what we may *need* to be fed. In short, we are getting fat on what is, for the most part, small talk.

I think Facebook also provides a form of validation we cannot get from face-to-face interaction. Who of us would go to work and tell every person we see that we're not feeling well or that we googled this really great quote about living a disciplined life? Try it and you may find yourself being labeled as the office whiner or the playgroup complainer. Yet, every day on Facebook, you can find Seinfeld-esque information about hundreds of people and the opportunity to chime in with a brilliant comment, such as, "Hope you feel better!" or "Great quote!" Are our "relationships" really improving? Is society transformed by this type of quasi-communication? Is the world a better place? I'll leave that question to the reader.

Facebook has, in fact, become so important in the lives of 500 million people that at times, it is a sign of sacrifice and devotion to God to declare a "Facebook Fast." This usually garners comments of support such as, "Good for you!" and "Yes, more of us should do that." Is this supposed to be the equivalent of Biblical fasting and praying...setting aside one's physical needs for an encounter with something or Someone bigger than us? Is that our new standard for sacrifice - giving up something that is easy to give up?

When I was on staff with a large Methodist church in Tulsa, OK, I was introduced to the season of Lent. Growing up as a southern Baptist, I was not familiar with it and soon learned that I needed to give something up for 40 days. I learned from those around me the kinds of things I should give up - soda pop, chocolate, fried foods, red meat, sugar, R-rated movies, dating, TV, internet (although this was relatively new back then). "What a great tradition!" I remember thinking, so I joined the masses as they forsook worldly pleasures for 40 days and nights leading up to Easter each year.

While there is certainly nothing sinister about it, over the years, I began to wonder what in the world I was doing. I started praying about what I should give up each year. I was convicted that if I was going to make a sacrifice, it should be something that would truly please God. After awhile, it seemed to me that He didn't want my sacrifices at all. At least, not the sacrifices that would not matter for eternity. In I Samuel 15:22, Samuel said, “Has the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams." I began pondering whether I was actually bringing glory to God when I didn't eat ice cream for over a month or if that glory was being directed at me. After all, most people broadcast what they are giving up for Lent. Why is that? All of these questions led me to suspend the adherence to this tradition until I could figure it out for myself.

What I have discovered is that Lent can and should be a catalyst for better behavior. But not the kind that pertains to what we eat and drink and watch. What if we gave up pride, envy, jealousy, lust, dishonesty, disrespect towards our spouse, selfishness, negativity, gossip, complaining, laziness, a judgmental attitude towards the less fortunate, being stingy with "our" money, gluttony, and all other forms of conduct that offend God? And what if, after those 40 days and nights, our relationships had improved even one iota, we continued in the converse of these: love, joy, peace, patience, longsuffering, kindness, self-control, goodness, faithfulness...

What if?

So these are some of the things going on in my mind and heart right now. A bit too long for a status update. Too heavy for a note. Possibly too uncomfortable for some. But I will be sharing in the future what I think about the comforts we share in American Christianity. Above all, I want God to click the "Like" button on what I have to say, but please feel free to comment with disagreement or agreement at any time.